Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
