we made out on top of his cat.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
