It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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