It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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