i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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