Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
