Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
