My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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