there's paper in my vomit.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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