If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
