god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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