I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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