The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
