You don't have asthma, your pregnant
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
