um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I looked at my own cervix.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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