Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I touched a dick in church today
that may or may not have been my penis.
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