just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
