Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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