Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
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i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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