sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
