My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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