Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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