He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
