Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
