You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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