I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
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I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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