Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
