i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she pinky promised me she was 18
two words...techno handjob
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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