i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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