im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
