I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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