I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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