I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
