I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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