there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
