I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
