I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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