After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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