I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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