I just saw a hot homeless man
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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