If i come over, it means nothing
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
