yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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