If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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