I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
