ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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