his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just forgot I was standing up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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