WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
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