Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
