is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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