I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
