You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
