Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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