It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
