so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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