I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
nutella sex= disaster
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
