he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
