just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
