I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
