you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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