Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
