I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
