my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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