Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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