Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
