So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
