who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
