im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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