my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
