We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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