a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
