We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
