hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
