we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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