I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
